not present

and when my heart slows with every fleeting beat, and i'm hugging the bones in my knees,
and my cheeks are itching red with the salt of dried tears,
there's a possibility that..

and when i'm staring at the particles in the air, speaking in monotonous nonchalance,
with glassy eyes unable to focus,
there's a possibility that..

and when the color has escaped from my face,
and i'm doubled over in pain,
there's a possibility that..

and when my whole body is trembling in negative two billion degrees,
as i suck on what should've been my last cigarette,
there's a possibility that..

and when my brain is pulsing and the walls are closing and the room is spinning and there's a ringing in my head and i can't stop twitching and i'm going to vomit,
there's a possibility that something vital is missing, and i'm not quite sure what or who that may be.