dumber with age

i dont know too much about too much
but i know im blind, when it comes the time,
to say sorry

i dont know too much about too much
but i know it was your lips, that triggered the bliss,
in our kiss

i dont know too much about too much
but i know it was your fears, that i could hear,
that turned me deaf

i dont know too much about too much,
but i think it might be love,

i dont know too much about too much,
all i know is
when we touch, the world turns to dust

we tried and we lied

my eyes ache and my head itches
with a cluttered brain thoughts escape through twitches
im punching the air
but there's nobody there
and my knuckles start staining their stitches

my forehead sweats curse words
to my new-found executioners
they don't care
grinning at despair
preventing their victims to be disinterred

i know i fight an already-lost war
i feel my bow and arrow getting too sore
there is no hope
from my scalp to my toes
but i know that there's gotta be something more

i peer through the crack
but with an unexpected smack
my gut kicks
my stomach flips
now all i see is pitch black

tuck me to sleep -

i want to run through the city streets with my beat-up leather boots (they got in a fight with the moccasins... who the fuck knows why) my arms will wave gallantly like they're about to explode i want to sit on the hood of a yellow taxi cab with my eyes squeezed tight shut humming these great 70's songs i heard the other day i want to wear those fucking colossally huge sun-hats that those unbelievably rich women wear to horse races who have nothing better to do with their time then spend their almost-6-feet-under husbands' money and pick fights with each other about one another's wardrobe i want to dance in circles in a lumberjack shirt without getting dizzy i want wavy hair that reaches my hips i want to laugh at the sun i want to sing into the moon light i want to punch the clouds with my ugly arms i want to forget about the bad stuff and be happy all the time like butter cups i want to figure shit out i want to be debonair i want to eat at a great trattoria and order the food in italian i want to live fast i want to live great i want to live monumentally i want to live infinitely i want the desolate in my life to pack it's bags and leave me without explanation i want to sky dive

afternoons in july

he was a thoughtless jolly,
and so was i,

in the sunflower meadows, our brains were spewed like seeds,
but not like a gore and guts movie,
like sparkles escaping from a fairies wings,
trickling down air,

we only had eyes for each other,
keeping one another safe,
like wrought iron gates protecting a beautiful castle,

his lips were like angel's wings,
soft, and pale, and scared,
his eyes were like divine fingertips,
grasping at anything within reach,
captivating it, like the most miraculous spell,

in the sunflower meadows, we ran giddy until our legs gave in,
then we slept, disguised by a million yellow angels,
with sunshine kissing our cheeks,
and sunflower seeds hugging our noses,

he was a thoughtless jolly,
and so was i

brutality in retrospect

last night i had this dream;
i opened my eyes to find foreign wings sprouting,
a beak emerging form my face,
and i was flying,
but it wasn't strange at all.. like most things aren't strange in the world of unconscious,

and so the higher i flew, the more beautiful the scenery became,
soon i was above my tiny town, but i was thirsty for more..
the beauty was absolutely becoming,
and much like a petulant child, i needed more..
in the blink of an eye, i was above my entire state,
and soon after that i was dancing across country lines,
and soaring above the oceans,
the view was so breath-takingly entrancing i forgot to breath for a few seconds,

when i regained sensibility,
reality slapped me a cross the face,
with cold, decrepit fingers,
i saw bliss had gotten the best of me..
i was at treacherous altitudes,
safety was a few hundred feet underneath me,
i gazed at the beauty bellow one last time,
until nothing was flowing through my airwaves anymore,
and the beauty that once was...
became a blur of fear, and tears, and dying mens wishes.

spirals down the drain,

& here i am,
writing shitty nonsense,
while my barely-existant ass, numbs,
i want to say something monumental,
i want to speak words of brilliance,
i want to change the world with my diction,
i want to change a life.

i want to be something that nobody can resist to ignore,
i want to scream at the top of my lungs,
until your eyes roll to the back of your head,
but you don't mind it because it's the feeling of infinity crushing your ribs like bricks,

but all i managed was to murmur shitty nonsense,
crap that leaves no one awake at night,

it's not monumental,
it's not brilliant,
the world snickered at me,
and you turned your back,

i can't feel my ass now,
and i don't even care,
i wish the rest of me would become numb too.

bring on the heat - i'm ready to burn

I scratched at the rust underneath my fingernails,
The rust that you left me to suffocate in.
“well, that must be the last of it..” I chocked out,
but then.. my single moment of oblivion ended,
because I then remembered what brought on all the rust,
all the ache,
all the venom,
all the pain,
memories flushed inside my every inch,
again and again,
replaying all the nights I pretended we had,
all the memories that never happened,
all the kisses we never shared,
and before I knew it,
I was chocking..
I was suffocating again,
And now I’m back at square one,
And I’m buried in the rust,
Scratching away.