annoyed and ready

annoyed and ready,

i walk in again, knowing what i'm getting myself into,
not caring,
no point in being polite,
let's get down to business,

pour the stiffest drink my stomach can stand,
no, stiffer,
no point in hiding my intention,
let's get down to business,

i don't want a conversation,
i don't want to hear about your week,
just pass me your lighter,
no point in proper introductions, i don't really give a shit about your family name,
let's get down to business,

pull me closer, let me pull you back,
i don't want to talk about tomorrow, or yesterday, or this morning,
make me feel like someone needs me,
if only for fifteen minutes,
no point in telling me the truth,
let's get down to business,

i see them from the corner of my eye,
and boy does it sting like hell,
so make my drink stiffer,
no point in taking it easy,
let's get down to business,

i look in the mirror,
and i feel sick,

sicker than that time i got the flu,
sicker than that time i projectile vomited,
sicker than that time i got pneumonia,

so i look down,
down at my toes,
i take a break,
take a deep breath or two,
splash some water on my face,
and crane my neck,
i look back up,
but i can't stand to look myself in the eye,
i don't know what she'll say,
actually,
i don't know who she is,
and i don't want to think about it either,

annoyed and ready,

i walk out again, knowing what i got myself into,


and tomorrow morning,
i'll wake up feeling like hell,
laughing at the good times,
pushing away the bad times,
and i'll sigh,
because i don't approve of myself,
but i'll just push it away some more,
because i know i'm going to do it again and again,

i crawl out of bed,
annoyed and ready.