afternoons in july

he was a thoughtless jolly,
and so was i,

in the sunflower meadows, our brains were spewed like seeds,
but not like a gore and guts movie,
like sparkles escaping from a fairies wings,
trickling down air,

we only had eyes for each other,
keeping one another safe,
like wrought iron gates protecting a beautiful castle,

his lips were like angel's wings,
soft, and pale, and scared,
his eyes were like divine fingertips,
grasping at anything within reach,
captivating it, like the most miraculous spell,

in the sunflower meadows, we ran giddy until our legs gave in,
then we slept, disguised by a million yellow angels,
with sunshine kissing our cheeks,
and sunflower seeds hugging our noses,

he was a thoughtless jolly,
and so was i

brutality in retrospect

last night i had this dream;
i opened my eyes to find foreign wings sprouting,
a beak emerging form my face,
and i was flying,
but it wasn't strange at all.. like most things aren't strange in the world of unconscious,

and so the higher i flew, the more beautiful the scenery became,
soon i was above my tiny town, but i was thirsty for more..
the beauty was absolutely becoming,
and much like a petulant child, i needed more..
in the blink of an eye, i was above my entire state,
and soon after that i was dancing across country lines,
and soaring above the oceans,
the view was so breath-takingly entrancing i forgot to breath for a few seconds,

when i regained sensibility,
reality slapped me a cross the face,
with cold, decrepit fingers,
i saw bliss had gotten the best of me..
i was at treacherous altitudes,
safety was a few hundred feet underneath me,
i gazed at the beauty bellow one last time,
until nothing was flowing through my airwaves anymore,
and the beauty that once was...
became a blur of fear, and tears, and dying mens wishes.

spirals down the drain,

& here i am,
writing shitty nonsense,
while my barely-existant ass, numbs,
i want to say something monumental,
i want to speak words of brilliance,
i want to change the world with my diction,
i want to change a life.

i want to be something that nobody can resist to ignore,
i want to scream at the top of my lungs,
until your eyes roll to the back of your head,
but you don't mind it because it's the feeling of infinity crushing your ribs like bricks,

but all i managed was to murmur shitty nonsense,
crap that leaves no one awake at night,

it's not monumental,
it's not brilliant,
the world snickered at me,
and you turned your back,

i can't feel my ass now,
and i don't even care,
i wish the rest of me would become numb too.

bring on the heat - i'm ready to burn

I scratched at the rust underneath my fingernails,
The rust that you left me to suffocate in.
“well, that must be the last of it..” I chocked out,
but then.. my single moment of oblivion ended,
because I then remembered what brought on all the rust,
all the ache,
all the venom,
all the pain,
memories flushed inside my every inch,
again and again,
replaying all the nights I pretended we had,
all the memories that never happened,
all the kisses we never shared,
and before I knew it,
I was chocking..
I was suffocating again,
And now I’m back at square one,
And I’m buried in the rust,
Scratching away.

blahblahblah.

and now my boots,
my favorite black boots,
my favorite black boots with the 3 inch heels,
are walking me away from you,
and i'll be damned if they ever turn back.

digging insanity.

And so they dug..
they kicked and screamed and dug..
until there was soot and debris perpetually stuck underneath their fingernails,
they kept digging to very depths of her heart until -
ice.
solid, cold, ice.
it was all they found.
"my God, she's an angel.." whispered one of the men.
an angel of the devil himself..
she flutters and flits around his pitchfork,
dances upon his shoulders, and swims between his teeth,
but the choreography of her limbs is too sinful to look away..
"we must remember the ice.." disrupted the other man.
ah yes, she is venom and her heart is ice.
solid, cold, ice.

Never think -

We never think,

We just laugh,
We just cry,
We just scream,
We just sink,
But never, do we ever think,

You’ll learn to love me,
You’ll learn to hate me,
But you’ll never think twice,
As a matter of fact, you’ll never think once,
We never think,

Hear my cry, Hear my plea,
Do as I say, Set me free,
But never think,

We just laugh,
We just cry,
We just scream,
We just sink,
But never, do we ever think.

Hold me tighter, Close my eyes,
Incredulously whisper my lies,
But you’ll never think twice,
As a matter of fact, you’ll never think once,
We never think,

Submerging now, in something foul,
Do as I say, Refrain your scowl,
But never think,

We just laugh,
We just cry,
We just scream,
We just sink,
But never, do we ever think.